Within the Mind...
by Siva
Summary: Erin Makoto does a bit of late night thinking and falls into an uneasy slumber...


Disclaimer: Evangelion and all characters therein are the property of Gainax and all those other people who own Evangelion. Erin Makoto is the property of "Yebisu Beer", and is used in this fic with his permission. I'm not making a single cent out of writing this, so don't go looking to get me involved in any legal troubles.

Author's Note: This takes places shortly after Erin finds out Rei shares in his feelings of affection, in other words, that she loves him in return. I'm not sure what chapter that may be, but if you really feel lost reading this, I suggest you read "Soul's Mind" beforehand. ^^

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Within the Mind…

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Baby's black balloon makes her fly   
I almost fell into that hole in your life 

Erin lay awake, while the alarm clock to his left read 3:04 a.m. The thoughts which churned within his mind would not allow the mist of Morpheus to take control of his mind and let him sleep. "Damnit," he muttered, "I have a big test tomorrow, and more synch tests. How the hell will I manage to stay awake the whole freaking day?". His thoughts soon diverted to those of a girl. A pale girl, with lilac-coloured hair, which fell in a mop of layers. He thought of her garnet-coloured eyes and the way they held so many things. Some of the things he read in her eyes he could comprehend, while others he could not, as he knew very little of Rei's past. Nonetheless, she was beautiful. And, she was his.

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And you're not thinking about tomorrow   
'Cause you were the same as me   
But on your knees 

He wished he could understand her completely. There had been moments when he had felt so close to this girl. So close that he was sure he could read her soul if he tried. That was one of the things he saw within her eyes on rare occasions. Her soul. Her troubled soul, which needed to be released from it's shackles. " But what kind of shackles are they?" he mused. What did this girl's past hold? Where were her parents? Did she have any? Did she love someone before him? Shinji, perhaps? Perhaps that bastard Gendo had ruined her childhood. What linked Rei to Gendo, anyway? "I hate that man!" he thought viciously. "How dare he threaten me. Rei loves me! And I love her! He has no right to interfere".  
  
_A thousand other boys could never reach you   
How could I have been the one _

"She loves me", he smiled to himself. "She really loves me. By Jove! I never thought I'd have any kind of emotion returned from that girl! She really surprised me! But she loves me. Despite the fact that I have a kind of short temper, and I have a somewhat big mouth at times. And she doesn't mind my, interesting hair. She doesn't seem to care one single damn bit about my defects! She loves me! She loves me for who I am. The same way I love her, for the marvelous person she is. I love her, I lover her, I LOVE HER!" He looked over at his alarm clock through drowsy eyes. It now read 4:09 am. He yawned and let sleep take over his mind. He needed the rest, and those wonderful thoughts of Rei's love had proven the perfect sleeping aid.

__

I saw the world spin beneath you   
And scatter like ice from the spoon   
That was your womb 

He was running. He was running down a long dark tunnel. He had no idea what his destination was, or what it was he was running from. There was a dull ache in his chest. He looked around at the darkness that enveloped him. Words flashed within his mind. "Stay away from Rei", spoke the dull, deep voice of Ikari Gendo. An image of one of the Erin hated most flashed before his eyes. "NO!" he screamed, "No! You won't have your way, you bastard! I love Rei, she loves me! There's nothing you can do! Mind your own f***ing business!". He ran down the tunnel, in a feeble attempt to escape from the haunting image of Gendo. He had to get away. He was afraid of what he might do if he didn't. Even if this was a dream, or was it a dream? It didn't matter. He didn't want to see his hands stained with Gendo's blood either way. There was now a dull pain in his side and he was breathing heavily. He stopped and looked forward. There was a light!  
  
_Comin' down the world turned over   
And angels fall without you there   
And I go on as you get colder   
Or are you someone's prayer _

He inhaled deeply. There was a light! He walked at a quick pace towards it. There was a figure standing there. It was the end of the tunnel! He walked warily towards it, as it had it's back turned to him. "Rei!" he thought. "It's Rei! Oh, hell yes! This is going to be a good dream after all!"

"Rei?" he inquired quietly. The figure spun around and stared at him. She held a bewildered look on her face mingled with a bit of hatred and anger. "I am not Rei", the look-alike spoke. "I am Lilith. Never again mention that name in my presence, Erin. Never again!" Her yell resounded against the tunnel walls. Erin gasped. "Lilith? What are you doing in my dream?" he demanded. 

"I am here, because you so wish it." 

"When did I wish for you to be in my dreams?"

"That is a question you can answer yourself."

Erin glanced at Lilith curiously. "Why do you look like her? Why do you resemble Rei?"

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You know the lies that they always told you   
And the love you never knew 

Lilith glared at him. "I do not know", she hissed. "You must know. Please tell me. And please tell me why you seem to dislike her so much, " Erin pressed on. Lilith looked at him solemnly. "I have my reasons for hating the little child. These are my reasons and I have no reason to disclose them you. As for your other question: Rei resembles me, because she is a part of me, Erin." Erin's eyes widened in shock. Was Lilith Rei's mother?! Could it be that the soul of Rei's mother was contained in Unit 00. And if she was Rei's mother, why did she hate Rei so much? He decided to voice his questions. "Are you her mother?" he spoke softly. Lilith glared at him. "She is a part of me. That is all you have to know. Stop acting like a curious little child. It bothers me." Erin nodded silently. He had never received such could treatment from Lilith. "Yes, mother", he replied in a curt tone. Lilith's lips curled into an odd and almost freakish smile. "If you please me to be that, then so be it", she spoke, an icy edge in her voice.

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What's the things they never showed you   
That swallowed the light from the sun   
Inside your room 

Erin looked up and stared at the image before him. "I must leave now, Erin-chan", Lilith spoke in a hushed tone. She went over and Erin noted that she was slightly taller than Rei. Lilith bent down and kissed Erin's forehead. She smirked. "I have heard this saying, child: Curiosity killed the cat. Interpret it whichever way you like. I give you fair warning. And be wary of Gendo. He may dispose of you very esaily." Erin looked at her with questioning eyes. What the hell was she talking about? That stupid old saying. He wasn't doing anything wrong. Was she threatening to kill him if he pried into her life; into Rei's past? And he could care less about Gendo. He was an idiot. He decided against saying anything impertinent, and began to speak, when Lilith suddenly vanished. He stood there dumbfounded. What the hell had just happened?  
  
_Comin' down the world turned over   
And angels fall without you there   
And I go on as you get colder _

The short conversation he had had with Lilith ran through his mind, several times over. Rei was a part of Lilith. "In what way?" he pondered aloud. "Why shouldn't I know? Why can't I know? I need to know! And why the hell does Lilith hate Rei so much. I mean, sure, she tends to be way too silent, and sometimes silence is interpreted the wrong way, but come on! If Lilith was Rei's mother, you'd think…" He trailed off at the sight of yet another Rei look-alike. He didn't dare to ask if this was Rei. It was most probably Lilith once again, set on making his dream a nightmare. The girl's face broke into a smile as she caught sight f Erin. "Erin!", she made her way towards him and gave him a shy peck on the cheek. Erin swallowed and looked at the figure before him. That was certainly a new reaction from Rei. "Is that you, Rei?" he inquired hesitantly. Rei nodded quietly. "Rei!" Erin exclaimed and went to wrap his arms around the image of the girl he loved. She buried her head in his neck and Erin closed his eyes as he felt a peaceful happiness wash over him. The calm before the storm.  


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And theres no time left for losin'   
When you stand they fall 

He suddenly felt Rei torn from his arms. He opened his eyes and looked around. The light was gone and he was surrounded by complete darkness. He heard a scream. "ERIN!" It had to be Rei. "Hush, Rei. You don't need him. I am here for you. I always have been and always will be", a male voice spoke. Erin immediately recognized it as the voice of Gendo. "Damn him!", Erin cursed. Gendo would never let up! He would do everything in his power to tear Rei away from him, there was no doubt about that. "Damn you, Gendo!" Erin screamed into the darkness vehemently. He needed to find Rei, and wrench her away from Gendo. Take her out of the clutches of the greater evil known as Ikari Gendo. He needed to save his love from the plans of that bastard, whatever his plans were, but he would not allow his chance at true love to be stolen away from him by some domineering idiot, no matter how powerful Gendo was!  


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Comin' down the world turned over   
And angels fall without you there   
And I go on as you grow colder   
All because I'm 

"I am not your puppet!" Rei screamed. "Erin's taught me I am a human being and I deserve freedom! I deserve freedom from your shackles, Commander!" Those words filed Erin with happiness. He had taught something to Rei. He couldn't believe it! Rei was paying heed to everything she had heard and seen from him. Rei was standing up to Gendo! Erin never would have imagined, quiet, submissive Rei standing up for her rights and yelling at Ikari Gendo. "Wait a minute, this is a dream. The real Rei-- Would she stand up to him? Would she? What would the real Rei do?" His thoughts were interrupted by a screech. "I TOLD YOU! NEVER MENTION THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE! YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH!" It was Lilith. She was beyond just "extremely angry". But how had she know he was thinking about Rei? He hadn't said Rei's name aloud. He was sure of it. Unless-- 

"Damnit, Lilith! Just who the hell do you think you are?! You have no right to infiltrate my thoughts! And you have no rein over my emotions! Do you understand me?! You are nothing but the soul of Unit--"

His phrase was cut short as Lilith raged havoc on his mind. "You'll pay, you little fool! You should never disrespect your mother or her wishes! Do you comprehend?!"

Erin screamed in pain. She was tearing his mind apart! She wanted complete and total control over Erin's being. He couldn't allow her to do that! He heard another scream that wasn't his own as the pain searing within his head began to subside._  
_

Comin' down the years turn over   
And angels fall without you there 

It was Rei! Lilith had gone into Rei's mind! "Get out of her!", he screamed, furor painting every word he spoke. "Lilith! Stop being like that! Leave Rei alone! I LOVE HER, DAMN YOU! LET ME BE HAPPY! LILITH!" Rei's screams of agony became worse by the second. Lilith was tearing her apart. She was starting to lose herself to Lilith. She couldn't bear the pain any longer. Erin could see all this, this was what the look of anguish on Rei's face told him.

__

And I'll go on to bring you home   
All because I'm   
All because I'm   


"LILITH! MOTHER!" Erin screamed. "IF YOU LOVE ME ONE SINGLE BIT…" he choked on his tears. "If you love me one single bit, you'll let her go and let me be happy mother." Tears spilled hot and fresh down his cheeks. A look of shock, bewilderment, pain, frustration and even motherly comprehension spread over Lilith's face. " I'll never understand you, Erin. Never. And I shall never communicate with you again, as long as you love, this genetic material." She dropped Rei harshly onto the ground. "But I love you, Erin, and I won't have _her_ interfering!" She picked Rei up roughly and disappeared with the girl in her arms. 

"ERIN!" he heard someone scream in his ear. "ERIN! WAKE UP! ASUKA'S GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Erin's eyes flashed open, and the frantic and concerned face of Shinji came into view. "Shinji?" Erin questioned. "Yeah." Shinji smiled warmly at the other boy. "That must have been some dream you were having", he said quietly. "You were even crying and screaming. Asuka thought you'd gone ballistic." Erin looked at his lap. "It was just a bad dream," he mumbled. "Just a bad dream". "I suppose you don't want to talk about it," Shinji said in his usual timid manner. "No, I just want to forget it." Erin set his jaw in a grim manner. "Forget that awful nightmare and hope it meant nothing," he thought to himself. He decided to content himself with another thought at the moment.

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And I'll become   
What you became to me 

"Rei loves me, and you love her. Nothing can change that, and no one will come between us. I'll protect her." He reassured himself. "Love is not easily broken in two," he smiled. 

"Come on, Shin-can, let's go get some breakfast, ne?"

Author's Afternote: How was that? Let me know! And if you want me to continue this be sure to mention it in your ~review~!


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